Analyn’s Story

Analyn describes her determination to stay with her children despite abusive partners and entanglements with social services.

“Every lawyer that I have is denying my case…They say, we believe that you were done wrong, but you can’t fight the system. It’s too much for us.”

[Intro noise, crowd talking, fades out]

When you are homeless and people notice, you’re way down the bottom to them. You’re worth nothing. But people have to understand what’s the reason why they’re homeless. Every situation are different. A lot of this reason is these people been beat up – this woman getting beat up by their husband. They choose to be out there. A lot of this reason here is prostitution and drugs comes together. And the quick money they getting out there.

I want someone to learn from all the social services, people like me been abused from my husband, and learn about the process and social services what they do wrong in getting kids from a mother who is capable of taking care of their children. I don’t do drugs. I don’t smoke. I’m a good mom.

I came from the Philippines, a little village – a little town called Matuguinao. And over there, we had no electric. We had no fridge. We live in a little hutch. Education there very hard. So it is a rough life to have over there, so most of us try to get to a different place, thinking of another – a better lifestyle than being where you at. And I did that. I came to the city, Manila. There, I met a military guy. Then we got married. I came to Minnesota. Then we came to Spain. We were all over the country.

Then, that marriage I have 15 years of marriage. During the time we were dating for four years or two, he never showed me any of violence. Everything is good. Everything is loving because I was beautiful. I was young and sexy when he had me and I had choices. So he know that he can win me – no, he’s trying to win me because he knows I have choices, so he did the best he could.

He never showed me a red flag. We got married. The firstborn child that I have, he hit me in the face because why? Not hit me, but slapped me. But everything is different. Just because I was hungry. I don’t know how to cook. We don’t have nothing to cook because nobody went to the grocery yet. We have money but that time, nobody went.

At the same time, I cooked the pizza. Pizza was – it has a plastic on the top. It has the board on the bottom, you know. And the oven says boil or bake. I don’t understand what those meant. So I did first the boil, pick up the pizza from the top of the freezer, _____ it there, while I’m breastfeeding my son. This is two days after I had my baby brought from the hospital.

The alarm went – make the noise because of the smoke. My baby was crying. I got nervous. Put the baby down. My husband was in the bathroom. I told him to pick up the oven. He won’t do it, so I went. Because the plastic – the plastic made the smoke. And without thinking, because I don’t know, I’m scared, I pick up the pizza.

Burns my hand. I threw it out. Everybody would respond the same way. And the bathroom is just right there, right there. Pizza when I threw the food. He got mad. He come and snap right at me. That was shocking because I’m like, nobody hit me. Boy, I was bleeding. I left him with my son. I went to my friend’s house. Asian person. She told me to go back home. But at the same time, I’m confused. We are in Spain. I don’t know my life in United States or another foreign country. I don’t know where to go. So go back home, make my life again, the same. Soon as the first hit start, everything become easy for him.

If I don’t fold his clothes in the right way and if I don’t put his clothes in the way it’s supposed to be, I get some kind of hits. To the point I’m thinking – even I was pregnant, girl, he would pick me up and throw me right there. What’s that called? The table would turn because the way he would pick me up, he would land me right there, it would pull up.

I can’t fight with him because, you know, he’s big. He’s not that big, but he’s a man. He got bigger force than we do. So now, years of three years of abuse, having babies, having babies, I finally kind of want to go out. I want to go with my friends. I didn’t cheat. Want to go out here and there. And finally the beating become terrible. And I just want to leave my marriage, but I don’t know how. So I end up having an affair with someone who will take me out of that relationship because I don’t know how taking care of myself. Well, once the person approach me for marriage – I’m still married – I back out.

I didn’t want to do it, so I stay with my husband. We went here. We went from Italy, Spain, Florida, here in Denver. Right here, the last time he hit me was he older – we got a house here in Green Valley Ranch. So he say, clean it, because I want someone to come and replace. I said – and then my son said, mom, I want to sing karaoke with you. Okay. So I pick up my son. Sit him right here. He came back. We were singing karaoke. Is the stove finished yet? I said I’ll get there in a minute. Oh no, no time for that. Slapped me right here. That’s the last time. I said this is the last time you’re going to hit me. I said to myself, I’m leaving him. I pack the kid. I call the shelter. They’re taking my kid. But I said, okay. When it came around 4:00. I’m leaving. The kid is packed. Let me work out, maybe I changed my mind.

When I came – I left 4:05 at my home. Took 30 minutes to drive. So I was late 35 minutes. I came to my gym then 5. During the time, it was 6:03 when I got done. I came out the gym. I saw a police car over there. I didn’t know it was for me. I didn’t care. So I went outside and I went home anyway. Turned out, when I came home, all my life is gone. The kid is not dressed the way I had him.

My sense kicked in. He changed everything. He hide everything, all my stuff. And during this time, I was waiting, I went to the piano and tried to play because I like music, I’m being arrested. He said I called – he called – I’m getting arrested because according to his claim, I pushed him at 5:03 so that’s the way of arresting me. I was at the jail but the police don’t know that. But they should know because I was at the jail and they tried to pick me up over there. So therefore, they did that. They arrest me. So my plan was then I didn’t know that I’m not supposed to tell him my plan. But all that is done. So I was in jail. I get out two weeks later. I proved that I wasn’t at the house to push him. But that’s just what he say.

He sent me there so I don’t get a chance to leave with the kids because he didn’t want to pay child support. And he be claiming that the six kid is not his. No. I’m a woman. I know who my kids is – father is. Who wants me when every year something that I don’t taking care of myself. I devoted myself to him.

I was kidnapped. And that actually, like it or not, it is a taking people. From the day one, I don’t know if that affects me, but when a man enter my body, they really annoying me. I don’t get turned on. I don’t get hot. I don’t get anything with it. But I have nine kids. People say you must had no TV. You must be active on sex. That’s what they say. That is not true. By experience, me in my person, we have six months one year, we have six months, I get pregnant. But it’s not because you active on sex; it’s just when it happened. It only take one. So that’s for that.

This marriage become – and he told – what makes me leave and want to leave him is not even the abuse, and that too, that’s part of it, but when he told me he’s going to bury me in the backyard. He gonna kill me and bury me in the back and nobody gonna know. I don’t know nobody. I don’t have a family. I don’t have no friends. And it’s true. I said, damn, he could kill me like that. So I decided to move myself my way out. But that was wrong move. I shouldn’t tell him my plan. I should’ve left when he was gone, but I didn’t. I wanted him to know that I’m leaving. So therefore, we got a divorce.

We have differences in United States. Here and there in the Philippines. We don’t have a divorce in the Philippines. That’s why I come to United States to be married because I can – I have a choice to divorce my husband here. And at the same time, it’s not that easy when you don’t have a job and you have nothing on your side.

But later on, I got in a relationship. He’s a crackhead. Well, let’s just say I was homeless then when I left him. I had nowhere to go. I end up I end up meeting a Black guy. Turned out, I didn’t know he was a crackhead. Boy, he was something else. He was hiding things and I don’t know.

And he couldn’t work so I decided he’s my baby daddy. Okay. Somebody’s getting work, you or me. So he couldn’t work so I did. I say I’m going to watch my kid – your kids – my kids – your kids and I. So he said okay. So coming home, I was like a crack addict looking for him. Every time I leave money in the floor or in my purse, it’ll be gone. my man is doing drugs, I’m broke all the time because he stealing my money. Or I don’t wanna lose him so I gotta give him money. Then I realize I’m stupid, you know. I don’t have him anyway. And I sit down and think, I don’t have him anyway. He don’t come home.

If I give him $100, he take off for who knows where now. So I don’t have him. He’s not helping me financially. He not here with me emotionally. Physically. I lost him already. I never had him from the beginning. He uses me. So either join him or leave him. So it hurts because I care for him.

For one year, I went through this, looking for him. I’m trying to change him to my way and lifestyle that whatever this you’re doing is not good. So every week, every time I get paid, he be out there. I be looking for him to bring him home or take my money that he had. Whatever reason I’m out there for. Because I want my baby daddy to have – I mean, my baby to have a baby daddy because I was divorced. I don’t want that to happen. I want a relationship to continue. But when I pick up my son, he’s light. He’s not the way I want him to be. When I was taking care of my son, it should be not light. And he smell like beer here. His breath smelled like that. One day I came home, he don’t know I was coming home early because I had two job to support him and my son.

I found him – I open the door. He’s sleep in the living room while my son is in the bedroom screaming and crying when the music is up so you couldn’t hear my son. And that’s when I realized my son voice is running from that. One day, he has this – my son is dark-skinned but I can tell the mark on his skin. I say that’s a five-finger right here. So that’s when I let it go because I didn’t see him, but I knew he did it. But I spoke to him about it. If this continue, our relationships going to be over. I’m not married to you. I have kids with you. I’m trying to work it out with you.

But later on, I came home. I caught him again. Storm weather. Snowstorm. Our apartment is that way and my – and the liquor store is that way. I got off the bus because that time my bus is in the – my car is in the shop. I saw him walking to going home with a brown bottle – brown bag and I know what’s on is liquor. I run towards the kids. He left my sons by himself.

That’s when I got him arrested. I made a decision. I quit my job. I quit my job and I was unemployment and TANF for two years because I want my son to have a better way.
I met a guy. He seemed decent. He went to school. Me and him become good friends. No sex yet. But later on, that been involve. And he end up talking about marriage four months later. Now, I’m to the point that I need someone to help me to taking care of my – me and my son. One more year, I said, one or two more year. But within two years, my – we got married then. My husband was great.

He was great. Going to school. Getting his class. I said he’s not bad at all. Then later on, there’s something about him that showing now. He was telling me he gonna go to smoke. He wouldn’t come back for a week or two, who knows how long. I don’t have no job. And I planned to get a job, but when I get a job, he don’t come home for the time he supposed to watch the kids because he worked during the day, I worked during the night. I said, look, you need to watch the kids. I need to work during the night while you watching the kid. Alternate.

So I don’t have to worry about my children being somewhere else. Well later on, he be hitting me. He be hitting me. Long story short, I caught him at Colfax. He call me by mistake. I call back. I went there. The owner opened the door and I caught him with a woman in hotel when he’s supposed to be home. I’m pregnant with his child. When he get home, he hit me.

Now, here’s the kicker. I call the police when he hit me. I call the police when he hit me. I ask the police to help me. He was arrested. Let’s just say he went to jail now and I’m in apartment that he’s been paying. I could stay another 30 days because he paid the rent advance. But I live with my friend because my – my mother-in-law told me I know where you live and I don’t know when my husband getting out.

He could come and hurt me. So I asked them to move me to the shelter. The way – at the same time when the social worker came, I know he’s coming, so I went to my friend’s – I live in my friend’s house. I went to the house – the apartment – to claim the rest. I had no more furniture anything. But the complex that we went has cockroach before we get there. I try to get rid of it but I can’t. It’s infested in cockroach. So now, I move my stuff there because of that reason, too. And the only thing I have is a little bit. Little blanket and chairs and some – there’s a TV to entertain my children while I’m cleaning. And that’s all I have. One of my – two of them are sleeping, one is running around. I tell social services, this is the dirty blanket.

I send a picture. This the dirty bed. This the dirty – this the clean – this is what I’m taking. This I’m washing today. I’ll be waiting for you. But cockroach are all over. So anyway, I take picture and everything. I say are you helping me to get out of this or are you taking my kid from me? I just had that feeling. No, we’re helping you. But that smile that he has, I’m not convinced. Something wrong. So later on, he went outside, came back, he didn’t check out my fridge but I had food in the shelter. I had food from my friends. Because I couldn’t bring everything in the shelter. I feed everybody.

So I went to my friends and feed – give her all the food because I’m in a shelter. I move myself in a shelter. He told me – this man told me you’ve only got two weeks. We’re gonna give you two weeks in a shelter. I didn’t move in two weeks. That’s what he decided. So we went to the shelter.

Shelter here is not the greatest. They’ll kick you out for any reason, you have kids or not. If you drop – you are told not to eat food. You got kids. You got to sneak out food in your bed. You got to feed your kids. I didn’t kicked out for that, but I got kicked out because I didn’t feed my son at the shelter when I was supposed to. But I was out there looking for a job. I had food for my kids. I have a receipt. This is what – I have this food I bought for my kids. No, you’re still gonna get kicked out. So because of that, I came to realize what is going on. After getting kicked out because why? I didn’t feed by kids here? I didn’t know that rules. Maybe you told me, but I didn’t pay attention to it.

If you have ever been in Samaritan House, over there is crazy, because I’ve been there. I had two job. I still have to do my tour, even 2:00 in the morning. That’s fine. I had to clean where I make a mess, but – But the shower is a mess. The food are disgusting. That’s why I don’t live there. That’s why I don’t take my son over there. Because one time I take my son, my son get sick. It’s not handled properly. The food they feed you, that was way left over from days that you see that today and they gonna be served a week from now.

Why? And then at the Samaritan, at the below, the overflow, it was disgusting. It was just so wrong. I said what is the matter with them getting a – what was it called – full bed something to off the ground. And the bathroom is a mess, thing, it’s shit all over the place. Why cannot – they make money out of homeless people. Why you can’t provide better for these people?

We stayed for two weeks. September 16 is my last day. I want to stay more. But I left with the federal gave me voucher for – I got kids. I got a hotel for that. So I went to hotel. Not yet, because I got to clock in at 3. The social worker call me. Return your kid because you kidnap your kids. Would you? Told them that my last day is two weeks, September 16. Why am I kidnapping my kid? You guys did not help me. You in two weeks. You in two weeks, you guys come and visit me. The kid – I go, they have problem with how much I feed my kids. It doesn’t matter how much I put on a plate, the kid’s gonna eat how much they’ll like eating. They’re gonna left the rest. They have issue. That’s it. I laugh. They tell me I kidnap my own kid.

So I say fuck it. I’m returning my kid and solve this problem. But I didn’t give back the kid. I’m not homeless either. Guess what? I return my kid. From that day on, there was a mistake decision every day. The built cases after cases that wasn’t even there. Remember I told you the part when I was packing my stuff?

They told me I had no food. He didn’t even look at the fridge. You know where he look at? Open the cabinet. I said why would I open the cabinet? In case you’re hiding your husband. Do you know my husband is in jail before you even accuse me of such a thing? Oh no. There’s no reason for you guys to take my kid. Yes. I put my kid endangerment? I don’t – my kid is abused? I’m abused, too.

But I’m buying my time. But the problem is I have a back and forth with my husband. Put him in jail and get him out. This is not because I wanna be with him; this is because I still have no time. I don’t have the money yet. I don’t wanna go in a shelter and be kicked out and have no plan. I did everything I could. I thought I was gonna get my kid. And no, I lost it. And then, I didn’t get my kid. I lost my trial. I lose my trial. I lose my kids. My kid’s only four-year-old. My older one is four. My second one is two. The other one is one week after deliver. They yanked that child out of me.

Every lawyer that I have is denying my case. Every time they read it, they say, we believe that you were done wrong, but you can’t fight the system. It’s too much for us.

So I go after and after and after, now, I – my friend told me where can you check a federal lawyer. So I called federal lawyer. This person is willing to help me, but I had to have $5,000 retaining and $300 every hours. But he’s willing to take that in court. Amazing. Now, I’m homeless. You see how our system work here? I’m a victim of abuse. Now I’m a victim of society. I don’t do drugs. I keep up with working. I taking care of – I’m capable of taking care of my kids. That kid should never took away from me. All I needed is a help for just social services to give me a home, a stable job, a help daycare. But they can’t do that. Instead, take my kid away from me. Why? And put my kid to a strangers?

Do you know my kid – I have picture after picture with my kid were with me. Picture of them when they were somewhere else. When they were getting hurt. And you know what? I get this lady, I say, this guy, my son had asthma. Here’s what he need. Here’s his inhaler. And in court, they say I never give him anything. And then I took my son into a daycare. It’s an infant. It’s a toddler. They gonna have a cavity. Because my son have some few cavities, they say I never took my kids. I took my kid to the dental. They even have a record. I had – amazingly, I had health. You know when you have – what is it – WIC? You took your kid to the WIC place. Took and measure the kid. I forgot about that. I have the measure of the kids. The weight the kids. They tell you, look, your son is losing weight. You gotta gain it. Yeah. So they have their nutrition. So that’s a lie, telling them that my kid is – no. No, my kid had WIC. We had plenty food. You guys never opened the fridge. You’re out there to get me. And you won. And you did won. If I only know it that’s what they after for, I would’ve had my kid back.

How do I come – cope with it? Honestly, I go here in Gathering. My things that I do, I gather food. It’s crazy, right? I’m not homeless, honestly. But I gather food. I don’t wanna sit home. I gather food because that’s been my – you know when you have problem, you develop certain things? How do I say it? Like some people do drugs. They latch on to that to take the pain. Some people smoke marijuana.Some people drink. Some people do drugs. Some people do prostitute. I did not wanna choose that.

I have a place but I tell people I’m homeless. But you know what? I’m not homeless, but I don’t wanna be home because you know why? I’m gonna think this. I’m gonna think that’s why I work so hard. Today, I’m not working. So I don’t think. I work two jobs. Then on my off-day, I gather me some food. My house full of food. I don’t even need it. I go here and get some food. I gather clothes. Different places and get – this is what – cope – Coping what I – my pain, I just say – is that a way to say it – so I don’t end up doing other things.

I don’t hang out with people. I don’t listen to this drama. I don’t listen to those story. I don’t want them to listen to mine because they’re not gonna do me no good. So sometimes, I pick up a friend of mine, she come here and we go places. She sit there and get some clothes. I got tons of clothes. I don’t even need it. You see at my house. But this is things that I do.

It kind of sucks. And you know what? As they accuses me that I don’t have no clothes for my kids, I don’t have no food, I still have the diaper, until this day since my kid left. I still have their clothes. Their diaper. I say I’m keeping them, hoping one day that I get my kid back no matter how old they are, how tall they are, I’m gonna look – look, this is your diaper because I got my little picture. I got it – I’m sorry. I got a _____. It’s crazy. I don’t wanna sit here and talk about it.

And lie about kidnapping the children? This is not the way that social services is. This is not the way they supposed to – they supposed to put the family together and provide the help, mentally, counseling, whatever. If they need to be there 24/7 to make sure the family is okay, kids are being safe, they need to do so. That’s what they getting paid, right?

And, hopefully, someone out there can help me get my kids. I cannot do it alone. But the battle is not over yet. That’s my children. I wanna move them away from where they at because I know they being abused. There’s only one mother on earth that can give that love to your children. I know now.

But if someone out there is willing to get the kid who is being abused, try to look at it a little bit differently or help the person who need it the most instead of leave the children – oh, she put the kid endangerment. You don’t know what goes in that story. You don’t know what the woman goes through.

[fade back to crowd noises]